Yo this is BM, and we're gonna be motivated today. You ready to do this? If you're 
not, it's okay. 'Cause we're gonna do this together.

Alright, so we gotta start with a clean slate if we're gonna get any work done. Whatever you need motivation for right now, the very first thing I need you to do is to clear your mind.

One of the fastest ways to kill motivation is when you're too

stuck in the past, in old thoughts. Motivation is about the future baby. You can't let no past get to you!

So whatever happened yesterday, that was yesterday. It's gone. Whatever happened an hour ago, don't worry about it. Let it go. Everything in the past is just a lesson to push you towards your future.

So I'ma give you three seconds to breathe in deep and breathe out slowly. But when you breathe out, make sure to clear your mind at the same time

too. Okay?

You ready? Breathe in and out.

Okay, now that we got that taken care of, it's time to talk about time management.

What you do with your time is vital, it's crucial.

Because the very decisions you make right now, right this second, is determining your future. Think about how deep that is.

Your decisions right now are determining your future. So if you need extra motivation because you feel like you're hitting a wall or you're procrastinating, or you're falling into a slump, let me tell you loud and clear: don't waste time!

The clock is tickin'. What are you waiting for? Come on we gotta get energized. We gotta get movin'. We got shit to

do!

No more excuses. You got this. I believe in you. No roadblock, no struggle, no challenge is too big for you to handle. You know why? 'Cause you a champ! You a champion. You a champion in this thing called life.

You're here, you're alive, you're breathing. And you know how hard it is to be born into this world.

This is your life. This is your time. This is your MINDSET.

Be

Listen to this when you gotta get movin'!

Be Motivated!

Hey, it's BM here. This MINDSET booster is for anyone who's experiencing heartbreak.

It's never easy. Whether it's your very first time getting your heart broken, or you've been through this before, I know it hurts like hell.

Your heart feels heavy enough to drop straight through your stomach. You don't feel like doin' nothing. Sayin' nothing.

You don't want to work or even eat.

And you know what? It's okay to feel all of that. It's okay to feel all that pain and grief and heartache.

Let the tears out. Just let 'em roll down. 'Cause… the more you hold it in, the more it's gonna eat away at you.

Cry it out if you have to. Stay up and listen to those sad songs on repeat all through the

night.

But, I need you to know, when you're doin' all of that? It's part of the healing process.

You hear me? Pain is part of the healing process.

Whatever's breaking your heart, you will heal. You just need time. Time always heals all wounds.

If you're heartbroken because of a romantic relationship,

you are better off without that person who is making you feel this way. Trust me. If that person really loved you, if they really cared about you, then they would be the one holding you through the pain right now, not causing it.

If you're heartbroken because you lost someone or something that meant the world to you, I need you to know that whatever piece of your heart that you feel like is gone, it will grow back.

Because all that love you feel for whoever or whatever you lost, that love doesn't just disappear.

That love is a powerful flame, and a flame that can always reignite. So if you feel like your whole world has gone cold, I promise you that the flame is still there. It's still inside you, and you got to take care of it, and give it time to grow back until it could bring you warmth again.

Lastly, it's really, really important that you don't lose control of yourself or do anything self-destructive, just because you're feeling all this pain.

I know it hurts. I know it hurts like hell. Shit I've been there too. I've had my heart smashed, and shattered, and scattered to so many pieces that I never thought it could be put back together again.

But

you know what got me through each time? I consciously took note of all the things I didn't feel like doing. And I pushed myself to get up and do it.

I went out to see friends. I went out to the gym. I forced myself to be active. Because it helped me to fast forward and speed up the days of being sad and broken.

So give yourself time to feel what you need to feel. But, don't let yourself stay there

forever. You got to get back up on your feet again.

Screw this heartbreak. It's time to show the world how motherfuckin' beautiful you are.

Yeah, I said it. Shieet.

So let's level up! Let's learn to live with the love and the heartbreak — and let's go through it all together.

I just want to say, I love you, and you deserve nothing but happiness.

Listen to this when you feel like your heart's been smashed to a million pieces.

Heartbreak

What up guys, this is BM from KARD and I'm so glad that you're here with me to dive into my Mindset Collection.

You guys know life gets real, real crazy at times. And when that happens, we got to learn how to keep our chin up, how to take care of ourselves and, you know just how to create positivity.

So any time you need a little pick me up, a little motivation or inspiration — my Mindset is here for you.

Most of

you know me as BM, which stands for Big Matthew, 'cause if you don't know yet, I got a little size on me.

It was actually Big Matt at first. That's just a nickname my friends gave me back in the States, 'cause you know I been big my whole life.

But then it kinda started to sound like Big Mac, you know the McDonald's hamburger? So I tweaked it a little and I changed it to Big Matthew 'cause, I don't want nobody calling me the hamburger.

But you know, I really like that abbreviation though 'cause to me

BM also makes me think of a lot of other words like, "beast mode" or "be motivated" or like my "booty meat!" you know what I mean? 'Cause I got some booty meat on me… yeah, tsss.

Nah I'm just kidding but, that's me. That's BM.

Anyway I'm here doing this Mindset because you guys know music and producing is my life. I love it. And I love my KARD family. My members J.Seph, Somin, and Jiwoo, shout out to you guys, I miss you

guys. Especially J.Seph, he's in the army right now but, yeah.

Outside of music and producing, I've always really loved just talkin' to people and just like, you know, being there for others. My whole life actually, I've always kind of been that guy who was just a listening ear for friends, or a big shoulder to lean on, like a big teddy bear.

Now I kinda want to be that for you. And I just want you to know that, you know, I'm here with you, you're here with me and, that puts a big smile on

my face.

And I just want to take the time to go deeper past just the performer BM, the rapper BM, the producer BM, and kinda share my Mindset of where it's at right now, where it was on the come up when it was younger, and just to get a little bit more intimate and maybe share some experiences that can help you guys on your road of life, you know what I mean?

There's enough bad in this world… and things can get ugly! So I really believe we got to fight all that ugliness, all that toxic, nasty, bad mojo with some good vibes.

And there are so many different ways we can put good vibes out into the world. For me, one cause that's very important is anti-bullying. Sometimes we need a little bit of courage and extra help to stick up for ourselves.

Or at times, we might not even realize when we're the ones becoming bullies to others.

Bullying just, it isn't cool. In any form. Whether it's face to face or cyber bullying, we got to stomp all that hate out. So thank you guys for taking this step forward with me by listening to this Mindset.

I'm really excited for you to hear Episode One. And I hope that on this journey together, we can all become better versions of ourselves, aight?

This is BM, Big Matthew, and welcome to my Mindset.

Meet Big Matthew

[This episode contains adult language.]

Welcome everybody to Episode One: Chunky Monkey.

My name is Matthew Kim.

I was born in Pomona, California, but mostly raised in Hancock Park in L.A.. But I moved around a

lot. My parents were both looking for just a better neighborhood to raise a family, you know?

Ended up living in La Crescenta for a little bit after elementary school. Man there ain't nothin' to do out there. And then like, halfway through junior high my family and I moved out to Inland Empire, so like San Bernardino County.

It was a lot of transitioning between different schools, different groups of friends, and I definitely just had to learn how to reset and adjust a lot. But I never

had too many negative emotions associated with that? I don't think I was too phased by it. I just kinda went with the flow.

I had a pretty diverse group of friends growing up too. I was friends with everybody. I had Black friends, White friends, Latino friends, Filipino — shout out my Pinoys. But, I was actually one of the only Koreans though. It's funny.

It was just me and my best friend Chan. I think we were

the only two Koreans in school at the time. So, you can kind of imagine what it was like being the minority in a very multiracial environment.

You know it's easy for kids to make fun of each other when you're young. I got a lot of, "Hey you ch-nk!" or like, "Ah you got slanted eyes!"

And it didn't help that I was a little chunky monkey too. Well big chunky monkey with, you know, small eyes and, probably smaller because my cheek fat was like, euh, out there.

I

still remember being happy all the time though, like I smiled a lot. I think I was a pretty good dude. 'Cause, you know, I knew that I wasn't the most attractive guy so I had to have something else right?

You know looks really aren't everything. And, how you treat people says a lot about who you are as a person. Not just what you look like, or the clothes you wear — but how you treat people you know?

So even though I don't think I was

really conscious of it at the time, my mentality was kind of just to be nice and, I feel like that stuck with me for some reason. And so, I was just this chubby dude who smiled a lot and was kind of chill with everybody for the most part.

Growin' up at home, it was me, my mom, my dad, and my two younger brothers. We weren't the most expressive kind of family? You know like the hugs and kisses and all that. But, both my

mom and dad were just super hard working. They're still hard working too. And I realized that from a pretty young age.

So, I don't think I really, ever really needed that physical affection or display of love from my parents because, I already knew they were working hard and hustling every day for, you know, me and my brothers.

My dad actually grew up in Brazil, and he came to the States when he was around in college. My mom came even earlier, like high school.

And they both speak fluent English and Spanish, I don't know how, but they picked up Spanish somehow.

So maybe because they were pretty open to other cultures, they weren't as hard on me with grades and stuff, like, compared to other Korean parents? They were always just like super chill.

They never told me, "You gotta be a doctor, or a lawyer, or you're nothin'." They were more like, "Do what you do best."

I mean there were times when I got a little rebellious for sure. You know, definitely doin' stuff I

shouldn't have been doin' but, my parents knew how to set me straight when that happened.

So my brothers and I, you know, three boys in one house, of course we had our fights. But, I got to say, if you have siblings, make sure you guys are tight. 'Cause even if you think you might hate them or you fight all the time — family is everything.

So my two younger brothers,

they're three years apart and four years apart from me. And my youngest brother, he's actually more of an introvert, a little bit more on the quiet side. And my other brother, he is the complete opposite. He's like a party animal. He goes hard.

And me? I feel like, I feel like I have exactly half and half of what they have and, that's kind of me. Like, I have my introverted side and, and times where I'm

quiet. And then if you see me at a party, if you met the introverted BM first, you're going to see a completely different BM if you see me at a party. I think I got both sides of my little brothers in me.

(BM's brother Hugh)

Hey Matt, this is your little bro Hugh. I hope you're doing well over in Korea and, you know, I'm wishing you well in your health and in your journey as a musician and as an artist. I think the best things that I've known you for is

the creativity and the charisma and the positivity that you bring, and the way it's affected the people around you. And I wish you all the best as you continue on this road. And I know that as long as you keep working at it, you'll, you'll continue to find success.

(BM's brother Austin)

What's up Matt. It's Austin, your little brother. Hope you're doing well in Korea. I see you doing your thing out there with your music. You know you inspire me to do my own thing out here.

A funny story that you might not remember is you used to charge me, you know, five to 10 dollars to use your DVD player or your computer at a time. I hope you're not that stingy anymore, but I hope you're doing good and, you know I'm not sure when I'm going to see you again. It's a minute. But stop posting so many goddamn selfies. I'll see you soon big bro. Stay safe.

Austin, it's your big

brother Matthew.

I just want to let you know you are a dope artist. I don't know how you became a dope artist, must be in our blood. But you got to stop partying so much. Stop partying so hard, and focus on the hustle. You can make it. Alright? You can kill it as an artist, I know you can.

Hugh, I know you got a lot on your mind and I just wanna let you know, words of

encouragement, words of motivation. You could do anything you set your mind to. And I just want you to know I wish the best for you and your health and, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, and just know I always got your back.

I hope you guys are doing good in the States right now. I'm always going to try to be a better big brother. That's always a, a big goal of mine. And even though we're kind of, you know, miles apart, oceans apart, just know I

still think about you guys.

So I say this a lot, but again, I was a little chunky monkey in my earlier years. Like, I never ever imagined that I'd be in a K-pop group today, and like this muscled out guy who hits the gym every day and diets all the time.

And man lemme tell you. This is hella TMI but when I was

younger, I didn't know I was lactose intolerant!

And you know what my favorite food was in the morning? Cereal! I love cereal man. Oh my God. I'd refill my bowl — extra milk, extra cereal, sometimes even like three or four times. And man Cap'n Crunch was dope. Reese's Puffs were dope. Lucky Charms. Honey Nut Cheerios. Ooh!

Cereal was the bomb.

But literally, cereal made me drop some bombs.

Every time I got to school, my stomach would hurt so bad man. I would always have to go to the bathroom for like the first half of first period.

And I didn't even know why. I just thought like, I got that in the morning for some reason, you know? But then I realized, it was just the days that I had cereal for breakfast.

Imagine this: little chunky monkey, always having to run to the bathroom during first period because he loves his cereal.

So embarrassing.

Let me tell you guys about my little phases of chunky monkey. When I was in junior high, I was chunky monkey, like I was big boy chunky monkey.

And you know, as time went by, I kind of got tired of you know just…

there were days where I was very, very self-conscious about what I was wearing. Pants, shirts, hoodies, everything like, I had a big old belly so like, I didn't want anyone to see it.

You know, so I always like, I remember always pulling my shirt forward. I was very, very self-conscious in like, I remember my P.E., my physical education, you have to wear uniforms and I was so uncomfortable in those because I felt like I looked

more revealing.

So, you know, there were definitely phases to it and I definitely remember being affected… by my chunk.

And then high school came around, and then I started to realize I was a little bit too, too chunky. So I started to shed a little bit. I started getting a little bit more active, playing basketball, making that a, a daily hobby. I skateboarded a lot too and, I started to

shed a little bit of that chunk off.

But around the time in high school I also joined the dance team, and you know being an Asian guy in school, most people kind of just, you know consider you the nerd or, or just wack. But, after my first pep rally performance, I kind of became that dancer guy. So, people respected me a little bit more I feel.

But also, our school dance team had always done more of, contemporary stuff. It wasn't till I joined where we really started doing hip-hop. So I'd be like the one tutting and poppin' and, and doing all those crazy moves to dubstep and hip-hop and, people just, they went ape shit.

And I've just always loved dancing and rapping too. I think it's because that's just the crowd that I grew up

with. It was a really diverse group of kids and, back in the day where I'm from, if you knew how to spit bars well, you got that respect.

I wasn't the best rapper, but I wasn't too bad. So, I've been rapping for a really long time, you know way before coming to Korea.

[🎵 DOWN4U by BM]

So this episode is called Chunky Monkey. And I'm not here just to talk about me, and how I grew up as a kid. I want you to remember that looks

aren't everything.

I mean yeah, when people first meet you, they will judge you based on what you look like on the outside. But don't let that stop you from showing who you are on the inside.

I might've been this chubby, smiling Asian boy to a lot of people. But on the inside, I love rap. Rhythm and poetry. And I love dancing too. And I wanted to show that. And when I finally did, that's when people saw me in a different light.

People are going to judge you anyway, so why not just do what you want to do? Whatever passion or whatever fire you have inside of you, that's what you need to put out into the world. 'Cause what we look like on the outside is temporary.

I'm not saying it's wrong to care about what you look like. I mean shoot, I still care about what I look like. But we gotta remember it's really not everything. I might be this buff K-pop dancer and rapper right now, but hey one day, I'ma be a 할아버지 (harabeoji)

too! I'ma be a big old grandpa! Hopefully… a still fit and sexy one though.

But you know, real talk — on the inside, I will always be that same happy, chunky monkey. That nice guy. The good listener. The dude who finds a reason to smile no matter what.

And I want the same for you too. I want us to be confident of who we are on the inside, and not let anything on the outside bring us down.

This is my MINDSET.

What you look like on the outside ain't as important as what's on the inside.

Chunky Monkey

Episode Two: A New Chapter.

I think for a lot of us, transitioning out of high school is a huge change. Some of us go off to college, or we jump straight into a new job. We might not even finish high school and just dive into the real world.

But I feel like the whole K through 12 system, you know the

kindergarten through 12th grade, at least in America, it's basically its own bubble. You're very sheltered, almost feeling a little trapped even, in this like, social hierarchy of kids and teens.

So finally getting out of all that and leaving that environment of teachers, classes, and homework that we've been so used to literally for years and years, you know, leaving all that behind really does open a new chapter in life.

I did go to college for a bit and I absolutely loved it. I went to Cal Poly, which is a California State University in Pomona. And I am part of a fraternity, and I know… it's so easy to say, "Aw, he a frat boy!" but, honestly there were so many lessons I learned through my fraternity.

You know things like loyalty, discipline, challenging yourself, and just so many other different things. And even to this day, sometimes when I find myself

struggling with something, I notice that I'll still think back to some of those lessons that I picked up during college.

I was a psychology major and I chose that field because I really, really wanted to dive into why people choose the decisions they choose to make. Whether it be from a place of negativity, a place of positivity, I think the whole

goal with me learning psychology was how do I turn it into a positive thing?

But in college, you know I still loved rapping and dancing. I, I joined the choreography team and would practice like eight hours a night, three nights a week. And it would be from like 8:00 p.m. to like 5:00 a.m.

So, you can imagine every time I came home, my mom would be like, "What the hell you been doin' every other night of the week?"

And I'm just like, "Oh, you know, I'm dancing."

And she's like, "Don't lie, you're not dancing. I know you're out drinking, you're out partying. You probably doing drugs, right! What you doin'!"

And I was like, "No I swear, I'm dancing. You know, you can come watch my show."

And after, you know, a couple months of practicing, she did. She came to watch me at a dance competition where there were like, like 5,000 people in the crowd. I think the name of the dance competition was called WOD, World of Dance.

And it was crazy man. There was, that was a huge moment for

me because, not only was my team on stage, the choreography that I made was part of the set too. I made it with my big homie Ronnie and we, we killed it. We killed it.

There was, there was one part where we did the Bernie and, you know the Bernie dance, right? It was like crazy at the time and, we did this crazy choreo that transitioned into the Bernie where we just turned around and just, just, ah, ah! Just worked it and everyone just like lost it, and went crazy over that.

So from that moment, after that day, my mom was like, "Hey, you know this might be your thing. Why don't you think about doing it for your career? Like maybe in Korea?"

And I was like, "Mmm, I don't know about that."

At the time I didn't speak any Korean. I didn't really listen to Korean music. I, I had like no interest in it whatsoever. K-pop was not on my radar back then at all.

But she was like, "Well,

I'm still going to sign you up for an audition. So promise me you'll go."

And I was like, "Ah… whatever. Alright fine." And I didn't really think too deeply about it after that.

But then a few weeks later, my mom woke me up one morning, and it was a weekend so I really wanted to sleep in, but she was like, "Hey! Wake up! Today's the day of the auditions we were talkin' about."

And I was like, "Huh?"

And she was like, "You promised me you'd go."

And I had nothing ready, literally nothing.

All I had was like choreo that I already knew and, and, and… nothing else.

So my mom's like yelling at me and — this is all in English — she's like, "Aw you need to get prepared right now! You promised me you'd go!"

I was like, "Naw I don't wanna go. I can't go!"

And she was like, "You promised. You're going. Don't be like that, please!"

So I, I couldn't find any way to get out of it. And man, literally five minutes before we leave, I just put

like whatever couple songs I had on a CD, burned that CD, I got in the car, and we went to the auditions.

So the audition was for season one of K-pop Star, and mine was being held at Cerritos High School. When we got there, there were like hundreds and hundreds of kids. You know, some of them was holding guitars. Some of them were singing. There were a couple that were dancing. So I was like, "Oh damn, this really a competition!"

And that really got me in the mood so, you know, I started doing a little freestyling while waiting in line next to my mom. And then I get to the first round of auditions where it's in front of the TV producers and, and just the writers. So, you know, I did my thing and after they told me, "Okay, you have to wait two hours for a callback."

I was like, "Ah alright, two hours?"

But… two hours later they did! They called me back, so my mom was like, "You made it to the next round."

So in my head I'm thinking, "Aw snap, tight! Alright. Alright. Let's try this again."

And for my second round, my mom was telling me it was gonna be in front of BoA. So my mom's like, "You better do good. She's huge."

And honestly, I didn't know who BoA was at the time! So I danced, I did the

exact same thing as I did at the first round. And afterward, BoA was like, "You okay. We don't know for sure yet, but you do have some 매력 (maeryeok), like charm."

And I was like, "Hell yeah! The judge told me I got 매력 (maeryeok)."

And of course it's only after that I found out how big of a deal BoA is. She's like pioneer status, you know like very, very senior in the industry.

They didn't tell me I got into the program though, so I was just like, "Whatever. BoA said I have charm.

I'm over the moon with that. Validation. It's all good."

But then it was like a couple of weeks later where I was with my dance crew, and the K-pop Star film crew came to surprise me in front of them to tell me I got into the show, and they're like, "Here's your ticket to Korea."

And then everyone was like, "Ohhhhhhh!" And then my dance crew started crying. And then like I started crying. I don't even know why. I was like, "Man, this a pretty big deal!"

I got home and I told my mom,

and she was like, "Yeah okay. Bye. Have fun in Korea."

And I was like, "What? Okay." But I'm pretty sure she was very excited on the inside too.

(BM) "Hey 엄마 (umma: mom) do you remember when I got into K-pop Star?"

(Mom) "Yup. Just like it was yesterday."

(BM) "How'd you feel?"

(Mom) "Um… excited?"

(BM) "Were you scared?"

(Mom) "I was very excited. Um… not too, not too

scared. I thought, I think I was more excited than, you know, than scared."

(BM) "'Cause Korean parents, they usually, you know a lot of them are tryna not have their, you know, kids become anything related to even entertainment."

(Mom) "Right. Well I, it's not like I had a huge plan, you know, planned out for you? I was having dinner at this restaurant in Koreatown."

(BM) "Mm-hmm. Uh-huh."

(Mom) "And then, you know, if you've been to

K-Town you'll know. Like they will put up these posters for concerts..."

(BM) "Mm-hmm."

(Mom) "...or, you know auditions, whatever's going on. And I just looked up and saw 'JYP' on the poster. And it said, if you have, you know if you have any kind of talent — singing, rapping, dancing, or even if you have just good looks — you could, you could, you know, go for it. So, I was thinking you were, you know

dancing a lot, and coming home late, and… I had no idea how good you were. I had no idea but, when I sent in the, your YouTube video, I got a reply like, in five, 10 minutes."

(BM) "Oh really?"

(Mom) "Yeah! So I immediately, I thought, I knew you had a chance."

(BM) "Whaaat?"

(Mom) "But they, yeah they were interested. As soon as I, I sent them the video, and like a little, you know introduction..."

(BM) "Mm-hmm"

(Mom) "...I was pretending to be

you. When I sent them the, the video..."

(BM) "Uh-huh."

(Mom) "...I think as soon as I turned around to do something, I got a reply."

(BM) "Oh wow. That was crazy, that's crazy."

(Mom) "So I knew, I knew they were super interested. I remember that night when you had the, the audition in L.A.?"

(BM) "Mmm."

(Mom) "Mm-hmm, remember I had to drive you to San Diego? After the auditions?"

(BM) "Oh you right! Because I had my dance retreat."

(Mom) "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you had the summer retreat. Yep."

(BM) "Ah, you right!"

(Mom) "And that was your,

that was your condition. Like, 'I'll do this, but you have to drive me all the way to San Diego. 'Cause all of my teammates will be gone by then.' And then we got out of the audition like around like midnight or eleven? Eleven at night?"

(BM) "Oh man, I remember that."

(Mom) "Yeah and then we, we, we drove to San Diego. I came home I think, around three in the morning."

(BM) "Oh my gosh… I'm sorry I put you through that."

(Mom) "But no I was still, I was still very excited. It's not like I had a

huge plan. I thought, 'Let's try it. Let's have him try this.' And, you know, we took the chance and, you know, look what happened."

(BM) "Yeah, mama I made it."

(Mom) "You made it."

(BM) "We made it! Now next thing is, I got to make a million dollaz."

(Mom) "Ah… no rush."

[🎵 Ride on the wind by KARD]

So I get to Korea, and one thing led to another. But I definitely struggled. Like, I completely forgot my lyrics during the first two rounds of the show. I should have been cut, honestly.

But the judges had this option to like save contestants and for some

reason, BoA kept saving me.

And then finally in the next round, I actually did okay. I didn't forget my lyrics. I was proud of my performance. But ironically, that's when I got cut.

But it's cool, it's cool. It was still a beautiful moment for me.

You know of course rejection never feels good but, you win some and you lose some right? If anything, I didn't see that rejection as a measure of my self-worth or my value as a person, but,

you know, I saw the process and the rejection as a whole new page for me to turn and to move on to the next big thing.

And I was also just super thankful for the whole experience. I bonded with some good people. Built some good connections. And, what ended up happening was that, after I went back to the States, one of the K-pop Star writers hit me up and they were like, "Hey, I think I could get you an audition with a big label out here."

And I was like, "Oh snap! No way, alright. This really about to happen. I'm about to join a

label now? That's crazy."

I was, I was hella excited. I was like, "Alright, then I have to go back to Korea."

But I still wasn't really that sure. You know, I still had my doubts. It was a completely whole new monster, a whole new world that, you know I had to be facing.

So, I was scared and I did have my

doubts for sure. But, you know, just a little tip for anyone that's facing new opportunities: you just have to go head first.

And, and honestly… it's, what's crazy about it is you always end up somewhere where you would have never imagined yourself. And sometimes that's kinda like the most beautiful part.

So I go to Korea, I had my little meeting and it was with DSP Media and I auditioned for them, and

right off the bat, they were like, "You should come train with us."

And, I was so excited, I was like, "Ooh, alright. Let'z go."

Although I did have my doubts and I was scared of, of this whole new opportunity, it was, it was just way too big of a chance, a lifetime chance that I really just didn't want to let go of. Felt like I would have probably regretted that my whole life if I did.

And long story short, I pretty much ended up saying yes. I packed my

bags, flew out to Korea, and boom — started another new chapter in my life.

Whenever you're faced with a curve ball, a rejection, a failure, whatever it is — you have to remember that it's not the end of the world. That rejection or failure, that's just like a small little comma in the story of your life. It's what comes after that comma that matters.

Are you gonna let yourself bounce back from what knocks you down? Are you gonna pick yourself

back up when something doesn't go your way?

I say yes! We got this. We can do this.

And also, there might be amazing opportunities that come out of nowhere that you never would have expected. So don't be afraid to grab them with both hands and write a whole new exciting chapter of your life.

I want you to walk away from this episode feeling empowered, to embrace whatever life throws at you. That's how we move forward to finishing our happy ending.

So keep

turning that page and fill it up, alright?

This is my MINDSET.

Life is all about writing new chapters, so don't be afraid to turn the page!

A New Chapter

[This episode covers depression and suicide. If you or someone you know is in need of help, the American National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is +1-800-273-8255.]

We are going to talk about pressure today. And, just a heads up, there's some pretty heavy stuff in this episode. So buckle up. Here we go. Episode Three.

You know we as human beings, we're capable of handling a lot. And while I do believe that pressure can make people snap, I also believe that we all have it in us to handle an incredible amount of pressure.

But at the end of the day, it's really about your MINDSET, and how you take on that pressure.

For me, I don't think I really experienced any real struggles in life until

maybe.. my mid-twenties? Because as a kid, I was always smiling and almost, I was almost like oblivious to negativity.

But when I decided to move out to Korea, to start this new chapter in my life, I was still pretty young and didn't know much about the world yet.

Like I had never had a job until that point. My parents were still sending me allowance from America to support me. And obviously because I'm American, it was tough for me to adjust

to a new country.

There were definitely a lot of moments where I missed home. Because to be honest, I felt like I had everything as a kid. You know I had a great family, great friends, got into the college I wanted to go to, and was part of a really dope dance

team.

But, I had to leave all of that. I had to drop and leave all that behind to come to Korea.

But I'm not blaming nobody. I love Korea. And I love being Korean. I just had a rough time having to adjust so quickly and so fast.

And after a few years, when I hit like 24, 25, that's when I really started to feel down. I got like real depressed.

All my

college friends had graduated by that time and they were making money at their big boy jobs. And meanwhile, I was in Korea, and I had been training for years. At this point, I was training with kids who were way younger than I was too. And other kids at other companies, they were debuting at like 17.

So I felt like real, real small, you know? Me, Big Matthew, I felt like, I felt like a little ant!

So I'm sad because not only can I not support myself

financially, but I couldn't see a clear future for myself either. And what I didn't know at the time, 'cause they didn't tell me, my parents were going through hell to send me financial support.

I mean, we were in the clothing business and at the time, they were borrowing money to send it to me because business wasn't going that well. And you know, being the oldest son and being at an age where I should have my big boy job now, it was, it was very, very

stressful and I was very sad and I felt helpless.

So that's when I realized that I needed to start making my own money. I looked around for like any job I could get. I passed out flyers for a couple weeks. I privately tutored English for like half a year. And, it was all while I was trying to make it in my own industry too.

[🎵 RED MOON by KARD]

Now I'm not here to complain. And I know that there are people all around the world who are hustlin' and grindin' every day, you know, trying to make ends meet.

All I'm saying is that it's not easy trying to make a living. And I recognized that. Pretty late too.

And, there are those times where you're working so hard for something you really want, but it just feels like the whole world is against you. So how do you deal with that? How do you handle that type of pressure?

So one day, I ended up going to my CEO, and I basically said, "I can't do this anymore. Please let me go from this company. Please end my trainee contract. If there's no future for me here, just… let me go."

And, she was actually really understanding. She told me to give her a little bit more time to think, to wait a few months to see what she could do. Which I really did appreciate.

But at the same time, there were other people who told me I was selfish. For wanting to just leave and quit. And that really got to me. That messed with my head even more.

And just when I felt like I was about to fall apart, my girlfriend at the time, she broke up with me. She kicked me to the curb, so my self-confidence just… pewww. Completely dried up.

I started blaming myself thinking, "You know, it's probably because you ain't

successful yet. You can't buy her the things she wants. Why would she stay with you if you're a nobody?"

All this negativity just really built up and, I just felt so small. Like, the whole world was crashing down on me all at once.

No money, no future, no love. I was so depressed and, I didn't know what the hell to do.

So, I got, I got into like a really, really dark place in my head where I

just wanted everything to end.

But… I couldn't do it. Because all of a sudden, I remembered one of my friends who, she took her own life. And… how much I wish she hadn't.

And I knew, she wouldn't have wanted me to do the same.

So I told myself, "Nah. I can't do this. I won't do this. At least for her, and for everyone else

who cares about me."

And then I just completely broke down and I started crying.

For like a week straight, I was in my bathroom crying, drinking bottles of soju, literally straight out the bottle. And I bawled my eyes out and I listened to like, sad music on repeat. It was like a Korean drama.

[🎵 지니까 (JINIKKA) by KARD]

are listening, if you've ever been in a dark place before and struggling with suicidal thoughts, please, please know that you're not alone. And that you can get through the pressure.

No matter how dark the world may seem to you right now, you can survive it.

And there's no good reason to ever hurt yourself or to ever hurt the people around you by hurting yourself.

So if you're in a dark place right now and, you feel

like, you're walking through that dark tunnel, an advice I can give you is: no matter how big or small the step, keep taking the steps. Keep moving forward, don't stay stationary and where you're at.

Keep moving forward and honestly… time will heal you and, you're gonna end up out of that tunnel. But you just gotta make sure no matter where your mind's at, no matter where your heart's at, keep those legs movin'.

Stay active and keep movin' forward.

And if you ever feel that you may need to seek professional help, there's nothing to be ashamed of. There are a lot of different resources out there, and you should find the one that fits you the best.

But for those of you who are listening from the U.S., I do want to share with you the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can call them for free and confidential help any day, any time.

And the number is

+1-800-273-8255. Once again, that's +1-800-273-8255. And they're available to talk for free, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

So I was in this really dark place in my life for maybe four

months? I had a lot going through my mind, and I was just trying to process everything that was happening to me.

I took one long, hard step after another in that dark tunnel. But I believe that if you're patient enough, no matter how long a dark tunnel might feel, there is always a light at the end of that tunnel.

And… I think that's what happened to me.

Because one day out of nowhere — boom! My CEO

called me and she was like, "Hey, you're going to debut."

And I was like, "What?"

I was so skeptical at the time. And she was like, "It's going to be a co-ed group."

And that was another shocker for me too. Because co-ed groups weren't that big of a deal in Korea. And, that's also not how I had pictured my future.

I more imagined myself in a boy group or being a rapper or dancer, but I-like, being a co-ed group was like the last thing

on my mind so, you can imagine how scared I was because, co-ed groups were just like, they weren't makin' it at the time.

So… that was, that came from way left field.

[🎵 Bomb Bomb by KARD]

I really like the phrase. "Pressure makes diamonds." But in order for a diamond to form and crystallize, it has to start deep below the surface.

So like if you go way down the earth's mantle, where it's insanely hot and you have intense pressure, that's where the diamond making process begins. High heat and high pressure transform and morph average, boring carbon into big ass, beautiful diamonds.

So what

I'm trying to say is, we all experience the heat and pressure of life. It could be work, it could be school, maybe family, friends, or maybe you could even be puttin' too much pressure on yourself.

At some point in our lives, we're all gonna experience crazy amounts of stress. And anxiety and depression — it can happen to anybody.

[🎵 Better Myself by BM]

But please,

please don't give up. Ever. Because you, you’re worth fighting for.

And this pain, this pressure, whatever you're going through — yeah, it sucks right now. And it may suck so bad, but we will get through it. And when we get through it, it will have made us stronger and better.

And you know what else? You'll become a bright diamond.

How you shine will be so beautiful.

Because you went through hell and back, and survived it all.

Pressure makes diamonds, and diamonds are hella strong.

This is my MINDSET.

This episode contains content regarding depression, alcohol, and suicide. If you or someone you know is in need of help, the American National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is +1-800-273-8255.

Even when you're feeling crushed by pressure, there's something beautiful that can form within you.

(This episode contains content regarding depression, alcohol, and suicide. If you or someone you know is in need of help, the American National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is +1-800-273-8255.)

Pressure Makes Diamonds

Everybody's got a hidden card. KARD fans, this episode's for you. Episode Four.

[🎵 AH EE YAH by KARD]

So I'm a member of a four-part group, and there's also four letters in our name. K-A-R-D. To me these four letters represent four swaggy

individuals who love being on stage and love sharing good energy.

So it's me, J.Seph, Somin, and Jiwoo. And the way we came together was kind of crazy.

I mean, me and J. Seph, we've been training together for like five years before our debut. And then 소민이 (Somin-ie), she was also training, and she actually debuted in other groups a good two or three times before KARD happened. And then Jiwoo, she was also training and like,

jumpin' around in other different companies, you know, working on her skills as a vocalist and, it was kind of crazy.

It was October 2016 when my CEO was just like, "Alright, we're gonna go with a co-ed group. You, J.Seph, Somin, and Jiwoo. Boom. Four members."

And we were just like, "What? Alright. Uh… this is about to be either really, really good or really, really bad."

It was literally one of the

biggest, most anxious moments of all four of our lives and it, it was, it was insane but, we rolled with it and, and you know co-ed groups weren't really that popular in Korea at the time? And even now too. I still think it's like, it's really hard to make a co-ed group.

The group name, they told us: KARD. Each letter holds a character, "K" being the king card, which is me,

"A" being the ace card, which is J.Seph, and then the "R" card, which is the joker card, which consists of two jokers — one is the black joker, Somin, and the color joker, Jiwoo.

And then "D," our most important role is, the hidden card.

Before our official debut, we had three pre-debut songs where the hidden card was, for example it could be a feature from a different artist. Our first song, "Oh NaNa,"

we had Young Ji from KARA feature on it…

[🎵 Oh NaNa by KARD]

And then for our second pre-debut song, "Don't Recall," we had an English version and that was our hidden card…

[🎵 Don't Recall by KARD]

And then for the third one, "RUMOR," we had a special choreography video where we actually had our choreographer dance with us in the video.

[🎵 RUMOR by KARD]

That was our hidden card. So, it was a special feature or a special little surprise that we had — until we actually made our official

debut.

Which we felt like, since the D-card, since the hidden card is the card that makes us look a little bit more dope in quality and makes us shine brighter as artists, why don't we just give that to our fans?

So the D-card from now on, the hidden card, the D-card is our fandom name.

There were a lot of ups and downs for our group to come together, but we got through it as a

team and we finally debuted.

You know as a trainee, you're called a trainee for a reason. 'Cause that's really all you're doin'. You know every day, every night, you're just training real hard and constantly having to learn, learn, and then learn some more.

So obviously, there's a lot of challenges that come with that.

But debuting? Sheesh. That's a whole nother monster 'cause now you're in the limelight. People are finally seeing you for the first time because

as a trainee, you practice a lot by yourself, or like, you know, in front of company staff.

But once you debut, that's when like, "Dang, you got a lot of people lookin' at me, like do I look good? Do they like me? Are they vibing with me?"

So, you know a lot of stuff comes into play, seriously, after you debut.

It was July 19th of

2017. That was our official debut. But 2016 December was when we all released our first track as KARD. Which, to us felt like our official debut anyways because, that's what we're putting ourselves out as into the world and, that was the name we were going to stick with for the rest of our lives.

So, to a lot of people, their first time hearing KARD was December of 2016.

Our CEO came to us October 2016.

And, it was crazy 'cause… we only had two months to prepare. We learned the choreography in two months, we recorded the song in two months. But, although that might seem like just enough time to come out with a song — KARD had only been training together for that long.

So, we had to not only figure each other out as people, but like… two girls and two guys in the same group dancing the same choreography and

matching all of that? The details that we had to, to work on was, just so much. And it was like, although two months is a pretty fair amount of time, it really didn't feel like enough.

[🎵 Trust Me by KARD]

We were all pretty hungry at the time. We were all very ready to debut.

I had been going through my depression before that, trying to leave the company.

J.Seph, he, he, I know he was hungry. I had known J.Seph for like five years. We trained together, we ate together, we lived together.

And Somin, since we've been label mates for this, the same amount of time ever since I came into DSP, I always saw her around. We had a

couple vocal lessons and dance lessons together, but I didn't really know her that well.

And then Jiwoo, I didn't even know her at all. She was hoppin' around companies for a long time, so you can imagine for her too like, she's been so hungry for it that she just, you know, she finally found her home.

In those two months that we were preparing, I feel like things could have gotten way sideways and like, you know, things could have not worked out. But, we were all very, very hungry to be dope artists and

to debut and to finally, you know stand in the limelight.

And that fact, I feel like, that's really what brought us together. Just that hunger and that fire.

After two months, we made our song, "Oh NaNa". We recorded it, we did the choreography for it. And none of us really had any expectations for the song, to be honest. But the moment we put it out, the numbers

just went crazy.

YouTube numbers started flaring like crazy. Like, I've never seen, we were… man, I don't even, I'm losing words right now.

So, we hit 10 mil views in like, I think two weeks. And at that time, 2016? YouTube videos like music videos, when they hit a million a day that was a hit. And we did that. And that was just insane to us, because it wasn't only YouTube numbers. We were hitting number one on iTunes charts in

like, over 20 countries?

And we were just like, "What is going on?"

Places like Canada, Mexico, Brazil, and, and, and so many different other places too. Places in Europe. Even my hometown, the States! That was, it was insane, I don't even know how that happened and, what's so crazy is, we did a tour before our official debut.

It was insane. We didn't even really believe it either at the time,

like it didn't hit us. And, it was, it was just unbelievable.

Like, somehow the style of music we were doing really struck a chord with, with the international fans. All these international fans were like the Hidden KARD that we really didn't even know we had.

So because of huge support coming from overseas, KARD was able to break out and become a real thing so fast.

[🎵 Dímelo by KARD]

But shout out to our Korea fans as well. You know, Korea is home ground and, our Korean fans are just as important as our overseas fans. We love them so much.

And

every time we do a comeback and hold an event out here, it's always out here first, you know so, we really want to show love to our hidden fans in Korea also.

Honestly, KARD being the first co-ed K-pop group to kind of blow up like we did? Nothing would have happened, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for our fans.

What I think I love most about KARD fans is how much they love to have a good time.

I mean, they party harder than any other fans I seen. But they keep things respectful too so, really much love to you guys, you guys are so dope.

And I also want to take a moment to give a shout out and show some love to each of my KARD members.

J.Seph, I've never spoke to you in English before besides when we're drunk, but you are the class clown. You know I, I respect you like crazy because I don't know anyone that can make everyone and

anyone laugh like the way you do.

I've told you before a lot of times but, I hope you know how appreciative I am that, you kinda kept me in this circle even though I didn't know how to speak the language out here in Korea.

You know, I just want to say, you're a very considerate man and, I hope you're doing good in the army right now. I hope you're staying safe. I hope, you know you takin' good care of your body. We're all waiting for you till you come out. And

we're about to, you know make KARD blow up even harder.

Somin, you're very, very caring. You're almost like the mom of the group. You always stay conscious and aware of how everyone's feeling when we're all together. And, you know, you always try to make it almost your job to make the atmosphere a little bit brighter. And, I just love how you're considerate towards everyone. So shout out to you.

And Jiwoo, you know what you want. You always

know what you want. You're super articulate. Yet, you're very, very open and you have so many great ideas. You never hold grudges. You're always very, very nice to everyone. You're very chill. You're kinda like, that home girl that everyone needs and should have in their life. And, I learn from you a lot how to be just… cool. You a cool girl.

[🎵 HOLD ON by KARD]

To all my KARD members, fans, and everyone who helped us to get where we are today, I just want to tell you guys I love you guys. Thank you so much. And, I, this is, this is something that I'ma hold dear to me for the rest of my life.

I think everybody has a hidden card. Like, something you're really good at,

but you're kind of shy about showing it. Or maybe you're still trying to figure out what you're good at and, I feel like that's okay.

For me, I always knew I loved rapping and dancing but, it honestly felt like more of a hobby, if anything. And even after I came out to Korea to become a trainee, I still wasn't really sure about my future.

I really didn't think I could make it in K-pop to be honest. Like I had so

many thoughts of just going back home, finishing my psychology major, and becoming a school counselor.

But I think it was when KARD was in L.A. for the second time in our 2019 tour, where we were just so excited for that show. It was the second time but, something was different than the first time. I feel like the first time was much more nerve-racking, and I didn't really know where I was as an artist yet, but the 2019 show

was, was just incredible. It was crazy.

I felt so comfortable with myself on stage. I had all my friends and family and, you know, being able to reciprocate all this energy back and forth with, with everyone in the crowd, and all my friends and, and from college that were there, it was, it was crazy. I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling.

And like, that was like a moment when I finally realized I'm doin' what I really wanted

to do, like that was when everything I pictured became reality.

And I know this isn't something that only pertains to me. I really believe that as long as we don't give up, we all find something that fits who we are. Something that finally feels right. And I think that's us discovering our hidden card.

At the end of the day, we all have these parts of ourselves that we try to hide. And, for most of us, we try to hide the bad

stuff, right?

But I think that sometimes what happens is that we focus so much on trying to hide the bad that we also might end up hiding the good.

Maybe we're a little shy, or we feel like we won't be heard, or maybe you already know you're really good at something, you just don't know who to share it with yet. But, whatever it is that you feel like you're hidden card is, whether it be a special talent or a certain calling or

purpose, I feel like you shouldn't be afraid to play that card.

Don't be afraid to show people what you got hiding under your sleeve. Because we all got to play our cards, and you shouldn't be afraid to play yours.

Meaning, you shouldn't be afraid to show who you are.

Be you.

This is my MINDSET.

Hidden KARDs are the reason why BM discovered his hidden card.

Hidden KARD

[This episode contains adult language.]

[🎵 INFERNO by KARD]

Episode Five. We goin' beastmode, aw yeaaa.

To me, beastmode means going hard. Even when you feel drained, tired,

when you have nothing in you, you have no energy, that's when the beastmode needs to come out. That's when you need to push the hardest.

You know growin' up, I kinda feel like I didn't really have anyone to push me that much? To like kinda, you know, light a fire under my booty and, and tell me to work hard for things.

I think maybe because I was pretty… I was pretty independent already. Like, I wasn't really like a lazy kid.

So, I feel like people around me probably thought I was fine on my own and really didn't need too much pushing.

And I do think I'm the type of person where I always need to keep movin'. Not that everyone has to be like that. I mean, if you're comfortable and happy with where you at already, that's tight.

But for me though, I kind of always just been that way where I don't like staying in one place.

A normal schedule for me on a fairly busy day would be getting up in the morning, if I have "schedule" throughout the day, I would have to get up at the crack of dawn. Go hit the gym, get a full cardio and weight session in.

And then, you know, I'd, I'd have my radio days, my podcast days. Sometimes I would have days where I have a show all in between all that too and,

you know, it can get pretty hectic.

But, don't get me wrong I can get hella lazy sometimes. There are definitely days where I really don't want to do anything like, super low motivation.

But whenever I do feel that way, something that always helps me get my ass up is like, having a voice in my head that says, "There's gonna be a day when you're not gonna be able to do any of this." You know what I mean?

For those days where you feel a little bit unmotivated and you don't feel like getting up, I feel like one thing to keep in mind is, there's someone out there that wants and wishes they could be working the way you can.

So if you think about it like that, that could be a little somethin' to give you a little extra push.

So back when I was a trainee, I

only had one goal in mind. And, just like other trainees, it was just to debut. And that's all I was consumed with for years.

Learning how to rap… in Korean. Learning Korean. Choreography. Learning how to sing.

They, they say it's the 10 to 10 schedule. So for most trainees, you would get up at 10, to the

studio, warm up your body, warm up your vocals.

You would have your vocal lesson that day, then you would have your choreography lesson that day, and then if you had a rap coach, if you a rapper, you would, you know, brush up on your rap skills with your rap coach that day too and, pretty hectic day.

And whatever time was left throughout the day, it would be self-training.

But then once you actually debut, it's like, "Dang, okay! Now I'm here. But…

what's next? How do I keep movin'? And, how do I keep going beastmode?"

And I feel like that's when I really started to get interested in producing.

It started with our first producer of our first pre-debut songs, 낯선 (Nassun). When I would watch him do what he does in the studio, it was just so eye opening for me. Because, when you think about producing, you know you, you make a

beat, you make melodies, you make raps and, a lot of thought goes into it and, it's not an easy process to most people.

But the way Nassun did it in the studio, he made it look so easy and so fun. Everything was just so natural and, that's kinda when something clicked in my head and I was just like, "Alright, that's what I want to be. That's what I want to do."

So, watching Nassun in his creative process, he became

like that producer-idol figure to me. And, you know normally idol figures are people that you're kind of far from but, it was such an honor and such a, a huge opportunity and, and a big privilege to be able to have him right in front of me and just kind of be that big brother for me as well.

And, I feel like if it wasn't for him, I don't think I'd be a producer right now. I wouldn't have that dream.

(Nassun)

Hi, my name is Nassun. I'm a composer and K-pop producer here in Korea. I actually started out as a rapper, so naturally I've always been into hip-hop. But I've really come to love all genres of music. And I'm able to express myself and produce and make music with a much wider palate now.

The first time I met Matthew was at…

DSP Entertainment. I think it was at their conference room, on the 3rd floor? Right off the bat, Matthew was a super likable guy. It's funny 'cause he has like this big body, but then like a really innocent-looking face. It was almost like seeing an alpaca. You know alpacas right? Like this big alpaca walks in with a huge smile, bright smile, with a face that says like, "I'm a very

positive person!" That was our first meeting. But since then we've gotten really close, and he's become like a younger brother to me.

Working with Matthew… it's always fun. He's a super positive guy. He never shows any like negativity or stress while working. And if I ask him like, "Hey, what do you think about doing this?" he'll be like, "Oh yeah that's good, I'll try

it!" Or if I say, "Oh, what do you think about doing it this way?" he'll be like, "Oh yeah, that's good too, I'll give it a try!" Like he never says, "Nah, this is a bad idea." He will always try it first, and then maybe later suggest like, "Hey so I tried it a different way, what do you think?" And I'll be like, "Yeah, this is good. Let's just do this then." So yeah, Matthew helps me to stay flexible, to think about things one more time, and just make decisions with a wider perspective.

And we've never had a problem working together.

For any aspiring music producers, I think the one advice I would give is like, you know, looking back on my days as an artist, there were so many times when I thought, "Man. I wish I had this kind of a producer working next to me." But, there wasn't anyone who could play that role. And so when I became a producer, I wanted to be someone who was actually

needed. You know, there's a lot of different positions in the music industry, but instead of thinking like, "I'm gonna be a producer" or, "I'm gonna be a composer" — like having a lot of experience in those different areas is great, but I think most importantly, you should know how to talk to the people around you. Like, communicate well. Build your skills. And just learn to be someone who's needed. I think that's the best kind of experience or skill you can have as a producer. So, don't look so far

ahead, but start close. And learn how to connect with the people around you to get your start in producing.

Mmm… Matthew, you're just going to keep getting more awesome, and cool, and sexy. You're already doing so well, so I hope you never lose that energy and that drive you have. Don't think bad thoughts, stay happy, stay positive, and just keep chasing after your dreams. And later, when

you become a super-ultra-producer, I hope you can come back and produce an album for me. Anyway, take care of yourself, and I hope you always stay healthy.

Man, Nassun 형 (hyung), thank you so much for that. That was, that was awesome. And I just want to say it one more time: if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be KARD, I wouldn't be BM, and I would have never fallen in love with producing.

So thank you so much.

So for me, being in the studio is either one of two things: it's either the worst and most frustrating thing ever, or it's literally this pure joy and just bliss.

And like, when a song comes out the way I want it to, or even if it like, unexpectedly comes out dope — I can't get enough. I have to keep going.

Literally

making music is one of the most addicting things ever. It never gets old for me and, I really don't think it ever will.

So the very first song that I produced for KARD that actually made it to the album and, and the title song was "Dumb Litty" and, man that was, that was such a crazy process for me because, that was the first song where — if I listen to it now, my very, very first

version of it, I would be like, "What the hell was that? Like, what? Like, euh so far from what I think is, is a good song now."

But, at the time, that was like the first one where I was like, "Okay, this has potential to be our song."

So, when I was making it, I made the beat for it. I made like the rough, full guide and, I remember letting my members listen to it and they felt pretty okay about it too.

I feel like one of the things that stuck with people was the hook. Producers say, they say, "phrase that pays".

So I felt like "Dumb Litty" was kind of the first one that had the hook that kinda was easy to stick to people's ears. Like it had that, "dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, litty dumb litty, bang the drum"...

[🎵 Dumb Litty by KARD]

Another one of my favorite parts of the song was actually my rap because the whole theme of the song was self-confidence.

Whatever happens, people are going to talk smack regardless so, why not just get litty anyways?

They don't like something that they don't want to see in themselves, but they see in you. So this has nothin' to do with you. It has to do everything with them.

There's a part of the song, it's the last two bars, I say:

욕을 하는 이윤 다 있는 거야
yok-eul ha-neun ee-yoon da it-neun geo-ya

[🎵 Dumb Litty by KARD]

나 아닌 너 안에
na ah-neen neo ahn-ae

Yuh!

That pretty much means: all the smack talkin' that you're saying right now, all the reasons for that — it isn't in me, it's in you.

It was almost fun for people to say too and, it was just so hype and so full of energy. And I feel like it's a song that,

at the time, KARD really needed.

[🎵 Dumb Litty by KARD]

Besides KARD stuff, I do produce and cover songs by myself, and I have other solo acts

and I, I love it. I love it so much. And, and it's something that, you know, is a dream now to be a solo artist as well.

One place where you can find some of my solo acts is on SoundCloud. I, I have some songs where I completely just made the beat and all the lyrics and everything from scratch by myself. I have a couple cover songs as well. I have a couple music videos that I shot with just, just some friends walkin' around Korea. And these are all stuff you

can find online.

[🎵 BEASTMODE by BM]

Transitioning into being a producer from just being the artist was, was one of the toughest transitions in my life because… I'm working with people in my label who have been in the music industry for 10 plus years, 20 plus years,

and I need validation from them.

But they've been mixing songs, getting songs, buying songs, looking for songs, fixing songs for that many years and, you know you can imagine what they would think of me as a rookie producer.

So, I think the whole dealing with people's rejection towards my music was one of the biggest struggles of transitioning.

I'm very, very thankful that I was given the opportunity to produce my own stuff. But man, the hardest thing about starting as a new producer is that no one really trusts you.

Drake said it once too you know, this is an opinion-based sport. Music… it's so subjective.

Even if you love something you made, chances are there will be at least one person out there — at least —

that absolutely hates what you're doing, for whatever reason it might be. I got my fair share of that, for sure.

Lookin' back, I think the way I handled different people's opinions or, you know, any negative feedback was… literally the way anyone would handle opinions or negative feedback on their own stuff.

You're not gonna like it. You're not gonna appreciate it. And you're not going to feel good

about it at all.

I was, I was fairly sensitive. I was sensitive, and I am even sensitive now. It's like, you feel like you made a masterpiece, but to someone, that's… just trash.

In the beginning, constructive criticism even, doesn't sound like constructive criticism. Everything just sounds like someone's trying to put you down. I feel like no one is ever really going to feel good about that at all.

And, you know, not to mention how much I criticize my own work as it is already? So, hearing from around me that it wasn't up to par was, it was a little bit hurtful at first.

But that in itself is something you need in a creative process. You need people telling you that it's not good enough. You need people telling you where you need to improve.

And I think I was a little bit hard-headed at first, but I started to be a

little bit more open to people criticizing my work around me because, not only in music but in any field in general.

You're going to hear that from higher ups. You're going to hear that from whoever is managing you, whoever's above you. And if you're at the tip top already, you're going to hear from the people. And what are you going to do then?

Are you going to sit down and say, everyone else is wrong and you're right? Or are you going to

make upgrades?

[🎵 I can't stop by KARD]

So here's BM's top tip on what to do when you're dealing with people's criticisms.

You could do one: say everyone else is wrong, and just feel like you're right.

But what

that's gonna do it's gonna, it's gonna have you on a plateau. If you're going to be hard-headed, where you say, "Nope, it's good enough. Everyone else is wrong and I'm right," you, you're going to hit a wall and that's going to be your plateau until you change your MINDSET.

Or two: you could take what everyone says, take it as criticism, and try to one up yourself again. Until you hear everyone tell you that

this is the one.

But at the end of the day, honestly, if you're sure what you want to do and you know why you want to do it, then other people's opinions really shouldn't matter.

I'm not saying to write everyone off, 'cause it is important to stay open-minded and to hear people out. Like seriously, knowing how to work with others, especially creatively, will always help you to make a better product in the end. One that you couldn't have made on your

own.

I don't think this is just for music. It's important to know how to communicate and how to collaborate, and to you know, be a part of a team, for whatever you're doing in life.

But what I'm trying to say is, you should still be the one that makes the final decision in terms of what makes you happy.

The reason why I'm doing what I'm doing is because, it makes me happy.

And so I want to ask you a question:

why do you do what you do?

You know, I think it's really important to ask yourself that. And, it's okay if you don't have a clear answer yet, but if you're going beastmode on something, and puttin' hella amount of energy and time and effort, but you have no idea why? For sure, you're going to end up, you know, burnin' out and feeling lost at one point or another.

So I feel like it's good to take the time to ask yourself, what do I want to gain from this?

How can I make the most out of the opportunities that come my way? What goals can you make that will help you move forward?

This episode is called Beast Mode and what I think is one of the most fulfilling things in life is, when you find something you really care about and you just go hard — full speed, full force.

It doesn't have to be related to just school or work either.

Maybe you could go beastmode when you're making dinner for someone. Someone that you love and, you know you just go all out in the kitchen.

Or maybe you're at the gym. You pumpin' that iron, you pushin' yourself like crazy to hit a new goal, a new milestone.

Or, you could just be going beastmode when you're listening to your favorite song, and dancing your butt off in the living room.

Whatever it is, don't let other

people's opinions stop you from giving your whole heart to something that you know matters to you. If you find something worth your blood, sweat, and tears, then go hard.

Go Beast Mode.

This is my MINDSET.

When you feel like you can't work any harder, but you still push through — now that's beastmode.

Beast Mode

[This episode contains adult language.]

Episode Six: A Beautiful Mind… and Body. Yo beautiful mind is BM! Oh shit.

[🎵 Knockin' on my heaven's door by KARD]

You know there's that saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder and…

I honestly think that's true. I think everyone should be free to create their own definition of beauty and express who they are, fa sho.

But, who we are on the outside is only a part of who we are. We also got to pay attention to what we look like on the inside, right?

For me, I think beauty represents health. And that having a healthy mind and a

healthy body are equally important. 'Cause I truly believe that physical health has just as much of an impact on our mental health as the other way around. The two gotta play well together.

But I do think that for the most part, you gotta start with the mental game first. You gotta start with your MINDSET. And I think to really get the mind moving, motivation and passion are key. You gotta find something

that drives you.

But, if you feel like you don't have that yet, then you can always fall back on self-discipline. Self-discipline can actually take you a lot farther than you think — maybe even more than passion and motivation.

Whatever you can do to get your mind moving. That's when you can get the rest of your body to move. The physical follows the mental.

So for me, what I kinda do to

stay mentally sharp is… I almost create scenarios in my head where I'll tell myself that, "I'm not good enough at what I'm doing. I'm not gonna make it. I can't push farther than where I'm at right now."

That really drives me sometimes and I think I do whatever I can to try to shut that voice up.

Yeah just shut up! Just, just shut it up! Shut up! I'ma beat you.

I feel like that MINDSET

really helps me a lot in various settings but specifically one, it really helps me in the gym.

Now I know some people might look at me and be like, "Oh, you know BM, he's obsessed with his looks. That's the only reason why he's going to the gym" and all that.

But honestly, I'm not trying to be like this super jacked guy. I mean, you know I definitely don't want to go back to chunky monkey but, for

me personally, a healthy body image is just, you know being able to breathe well, exercise daily, and it's really just about feeling good. You know? Feeling, feeling comfortable.

It's, it's not about the muscles. You don't need none of that extra. As long as you keep your heart pumpin' blood throughout your whole body then, then you good.

Something that's been kinda interesting to me though, especially in the last couple

years is, how this term "toxic masculinity" or "traditional masculinity" has, has really blown up. Like, people are finally starting to have more conversations about how it could be very psychologically damaging to expect men to fit into like, this traditional image of manhood.

You know like, "Men need to cover up their feelings" or, "They need to look a certain way" or, "Make X amount of

BM

Meet Big Matthew

Chunky Monkey

A New Chapter

Pressure Makes Diamonds

Hidden KARD

Beast Mode

A Beautiful Mind… and Body

Good Company

Set No Limits

21 Questions with BM

You might also like these artists

Become a Mindset Member

What's included:

Annual Membership, $/month

What our listeners are saying

Episode 1

Episode 3

Episode 6